Dear Another Stupid Epiphany

Why? Why oh why must you come around to my brain? And why can't you be something cool, like: Hey! I'm ambidextrous! Or, what do you know? I've got x-ray vision! I would even enjoy discovering that I have break dance powers which allow me to fight crime and big corporations.

And while we're on the subject:
.

me

Dear Blast from the Past

Maybe I am just silly sauce, but I thought this phrase had a positive connotation. I have now come to understand that the afromentioned blast refers to something akin to the shrieks of fire and noise accompanying the atom bomb.

Here is the thing. I do not care for the past. At all. And being revisited by it is just disturbing. The tricky part is that aspects of the past live with me and people from my past hover on the fringes of my present and I am still unsure how to navigate those interactions.

This past week, I was in a store near my old homestead. I had a mild panic attack. I used to be in that store once a week, easy. Buying things for a life I didn't want and couldn't see my way out of and am obviously not over yet, because being there again, just to get milk, was upsetting. I was glad there was no line and I could check out quickly.

Even though it isn't the case at all, and even though I know that it is just a store and a half-gallon of milk, being there felt like going back. I do not want to go back. That is why I left. I want to move forward and away. I want an in-tact heart and a peaceful mind.

I want to buy my skim milk without suffering heart palpitations.

I understand that everything that happens to us makes up a part of who we are, so I do not want to pretend that things didn't happen or act like it wasn't real. I just want to learn and heal and then go bye-bye.

Stupid milk.

Dear Cowardice

Here are some quotes about fear; food for thought if you will:

"Many of us crucify ourselves between two thieves - regret for the past and fear of the future."

"Each time we face our fear, we gain strength, courage, and confidence in the doing."

“Confidence comes not from always being right but from not fearing to be wrong."

"Courage is resistance to fear, mastery of fear - not absence of fear.”

“Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness, that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, and fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small doesn't serve the world. There's nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We are born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It's not just in some of us, it's in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others."

"Nothing in life is to be feared. It is only to be understood.”

"Ultimately we know deeply that the other side of every fear is freedom.”

"Fear is the thought of admitted inferiority.”

“Inaction breeds doubt and fear. Action breeds confidence and courage. If you want to conquer fear, do not sit home and think about it. Go out and get busy.”

“Fear has a large shadow, but he himself is small.”