Dear HORROR

Sooooooooooo remember when I was all, I will take pictures and see the world anew? Yeah...that didn't happen. I tried. I carried my camera with me everywhere and I kept repeating to myself: see the things like it is the first and last time.

Nothing. The only thing I consistently wanted to take a picture of was food and that just didn't seem emotionally healthy. I was feeling discouraged with my photographing ways when the universe, i.e., you, sprung this on me:

Is that not the scariest thing you have ever seen?! Imagine my terror at leaving my apartment for work in the morning, walking to my car and seeing that, that, staring down at me. Sure, you might see a child's toy, but I see demon eyes. Why would anyone procure that for an innocent child? And do you know the scariest part? It wasn't there when I returned home from work that evening. All windows were evil stuffed animal spawn free. BUT! When I left the next morning for work, IT. HAD. RETURNED.

I took a picture because I couldn't believe the horror and also how fortunate it was that I had finally happened on something that I could imagine I was seeing for the first and hopefully the last time. The devil doll hasn't reappeared but I look for it everyday.

Watch your backs, you humans. Those eyes follow you.

Everywhere.

me

Dear Distracted

Whilst engaging in my morning beauty regimen, I took some of my hair mousse, glanced at it and began to rub it on my forehead. I then looked at myself at the mirror and yelled: "LIANTONIO!" (Interestingly, I often do this. I yell at myself by my last name. Like, LIANTONIO! Why did you watch that movie? LIANTONIO! Look out for those pedestrians! LIANTONIO! Hair mousse doesn't go on your forehead!) I quickly realized that there aren't any hairs on my forehead which require mousse and wiped it off.

My forehead has held it's shape all day.

Methinks I might require a vacation. Or post it notes on all a.m. products reminding which should be applied where.

me