About three and half months ago I moved from Madison to Milwaukee. It is a big little transition. Here are some thoughts I have had since moving here:
I have absolutely no sense of direction.
I have never seen so many ethnic hair products in a Target. I mean, there is an entire aisle, at the Target closest to my house. It's like. I have choices. I have so many choices!!
Nearly everything I need to do is 20 minutes away from me. Well, it might be less than that, but I have no sense of direction.
That stupid bat paranoia really took a toll. When I do sleep, I sleep hard, I think because I was not sleeping very well in the bat's environs. And I am still not 100% comfortable. I look around every now and then expecting to see one. If I do find one, I will have to be hospitalized.
I am afeared. I am anxious.
A person can tear everything down and rebuild. But if that person is me, there will be many doubts.
A couple of weeks ago, I vacuumed up a spider nest. (Nest? Web of hidden spiderings? White webbing in which I was certain contained bugs?) Well, whatever, I vacuumed it up. And ever since I have wondered: did the act of vacuuming them up kill them, or are they festering in the bag and when I change that bag they will escape and take their revenge?
I might be spending too much time alone.
I DID use my kitchen table.
I need to speak up more.
I need to keep my mouth shut more.
This was harder than I thought but if I can get strong enough, then the bigger moves I want to make will be easier.
There wasn't really anything wrong with that other life. I just couldn't anymore.
Can I now?
Why is everything at the corner of such and so forth but not really at that corner?
What did I do it for?
I mean, AN ENTIRE AISLE.
Things will change, and the world doesn't come to an end.
