Ummm, wow, humans.
It's been nearly three months since I have typed anything. That is a shame. I should really be one of those people who like, works on their craft. And I would, except, I am so tired and also, there's TV. Finally, I'm not really crafty. Ha ha.
Anyways.
Remember how I moved to Milwaukee? I still live here. Do you know something else I have noticed? Okay. I will tell you. I have noticed that I do not have the same stories in Milwaukee as I used to have in Madison since I am no longer holding the hands of roughly 76,000 grown-ups who were confused as to how to write their name on a form.
"Wait. So my first name shouldn't go in the part that says last name? But which of my names is the last name?"
I kid. Except not really.
I sent several forms with arrows indicating which was the applicant's first name and which was the last name so that the official end-recipient of those forms would know that at least I knew which was first and which was last and so they wouldn't send it back to me with a note saying: "We can't process this form because we can't find this person." Then I would be all, really? Why would you not guess that this person would be so confused and just pull an ol' switcheroo? Are you new?
But I digress.
I don't have those kinds of stories at my new job because the jokes there are more integral to the nature of the work. For instance, other people in the field would be all, I just flew in on that cusip and boy are my assets tired! And others would just guffaw, but your average human would just be like, umm...I also sip and sometimes am tired, too. NAPS!
In my life the stories to tell are way much less interesting because I don't really have like, hobbies or interests. I am currently real, real lost. Like, not in locale. Well, let's not get cocky. I made it to the mall and home a week or two ago, WITHOUT USING ANY NAVIGATION SYSTEM AT ALL, but if I space out for a minute, I am instantly befuddled. The mantra begins: Where. Am. I?
But seriously folks, errands, sleeping and work pretty much sum me up. I know, snoresville, right? I want to be full; to feel full. From life. Not of foods.
Speaking of which.
So we have covered how I am allergic to foods, right? But whenever I tell someone that I have food allergies, they look at me like I have said I have a food addiction and I think allergy and addiction are synonyms. I am going to presume this is because most people with the food allergy times are like, real thin because food is their poison. Food is my poison, too, but the obesity happened way before the allergies really got their histamine on. If I didn't have them I'd be VERY filled with largess. Then I could sing that one line from the Disney movie: "And I'm roughly the size of a BAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGGGGEEEEEEEEEEE."
We should all have theme songs.
Well, the most pressing news right now is that my grandmother is very ill. Seeing someone lose who they are will rend your heart.
I wish I knew her better. I wish I had more memories of her. I wish there were enough words with enough weight to somehow capture the power and beauty of a person's life and grant them a fraction of the dignity or grace they deserve. I wish she had peace.
One thing I think about her is how she was always fussing. I don't really use that word in my every day life, but I would totally use it about my grandma. She would often be fussing at home and then be so kind with all of the peoples outside the home, and they would say how sweet my grandmother is, and I would laugh inside and be all: you have not been subjected to the fussing.
My other favorite story about my grandmother is that I used to love Grape Nuts cereal (Neither grapes, nor nuts. Discuss.) and I had a box of that cereal at her house.
For those who have never had it, Grape Nuts cereal expands in milk. As in, if you fill a bowl with Grape Nuts and then add milk, the entire population of Mozambique would eat to satisfaction from that one solitary bowl. And it would take them approximately seven weeks to finish eating. It took that happening to me like twice, to realize that when I wanted a bowl of Grape Nuts, I needed to literally put in about 6-10 of the "nuts" and add just enough milk to cover those 6-10 so that I could finish my cereal during the same morning that I started it.
So I was staying at my grandma's house and she had Grape Nuts just for me. I ate some and then left for school. When I came home, my grandma said:
"I had some of your Grape Nuts this morning."
"Really?" I said. "Did you like them?"
"Well," she began. "It took me all day, baby, but I finished that bowl of cereal."
I laughed and laughed.
Not enough words with nearly enough weight.
But there are still words. And there is still time. And while I haven't had any in a long while, there will always, always be Grape Nuts. Well, unless like, they take them off the market. In that case, you're welcome, Mozambique.
