Dear Stomach Flu

What the what?!

I have never experienced anything like you in my life. And I don't mean that as a compliment.

Monday evening you had me writhing and moaning in pain. For seven hours I spewed and erupted and groaned. I am sure my neighbors thought someone was being tortured.

I was.

I have never been so relieved to take advil and never so in awe of the violence one's own body can act out towards itself.

I mean, seriously, THERE WAS NOTHING LEFT. WHY???????!!!!!!!!!

It took nearly a week for me to be able to eat an entire meal and not be in agony afterwards. It has been painful and disgusting and awful. I don't know why you chose me as your victim but I am not grateful to you. Even the one day when I felt very thin was not worth it for the sheer pain you inflicted.

I can't think of one redeeming part. Cleaning your own hurl does not make you sympathetic of others. It makes you resentful of them and their smooth innards.

The cramping! My god, the stomach cramping. I didn't know a stomach could constrict in such a way. It was as though someone was beating my guts.

And the resulting fear of food! Food, which I love and think is so beautiful. I had a very pretty and enjoyable meal before me two days after the horror which was THE FLU and was actually afeared to eat it! Because I didn't know what could happen if I did and I was worried about what that might be.

Toast! Breathtaking, enjoyable toast. You are divine. You have never tasted so fulling, rich, flavorful and non-nauseau inducing. You are a treasure. Never change.

THE FLU ruined a week that was already rough. I am taking to my bed with tears, on this the first day that I have been able to eat and not later plead for my life.

I have survived you FLU. I have known the bitter relief of saltines and tea and come back to the other side. You made me weak but you did not win.

I rode the porcelain bus to the point of exhaustion but will stand and walk again.

THE FLU = 0. Sherry = 1.

me