Dear Varnish,

You're a potent little devil. And today, you defeated me. Because despite the fact that the door was open all day long, your toxic fumes overwhelmed and finally conquered me.

My office was formerly a closet. There are tile floors and white, cement-block walls and the ceiling is unfinished, because originally, it was going to only hold file cabinets and not staff. It is affectionately called the closfice and recently I was able to get the fan that circulates air throughout parts of the building to be silent so that I didn't murder my customers.

In an effort to spruce up the joint, I guess, they re-varnished all of the doors. About 10 minutes after her door had been done, one of my coworkers went home. I stayed because the varnish scent sort of grew on you after a while. But then I left to get a cup of coffee and upon my return the smell seemed stronger and more potent than it had been before. I dismissed it, figuring it would pass and that any subsequent high would only make me a more cheerful employee. Things changed by the end of the day, however.

Do you know that feeling when you are completely aware of a part of your body that under normal circumstances you don't really think about? Like sometimes, I am really aware of my nose. And all day long, even though I am looking at other people, things, my computer screen, I also see my nose. It is present and blocking things and I think has a touch of lint on it.

Today, it was my tongue. But it had become more of a presence because I could taste the varnish and it was making my tongue both numb and tingly at the same time. Even that I was taking as a new sensation.

Then there was lunch. For which I was starving. Until I actually ate. And after every bite, I was sick to my stomach. I think my intestines had absorbed so much toxins as to create a slick lining. Since this was new, my body was unsure how to respond to food. I ate, but it was not pleasant.

I don't really understand why the smell never dissipated. Several of us had the same process happen. Granted, I couldn't open a window because the one in the closfice is inexplicably shut and I just noticed, as I glanced over longingly at the cold fresh air behind it, that it is covered in cobwebs. It's hard to climb over the vent to dust it, but maybe if I do, I could get a burst of air and refresh my lungs.

So even though you were here for all of this, varnish, I wanted to document my side. I think my insides have become teflon. I shall be forever preserved and nothing will ever stick.

So, thanks?

me